The Propheteer

I’m a bit sick to my stomach, actually. Mostly about the election (partially about the round of layoffs coming up at AOL, but I think I’m mostly cushioned from that…doesn’t make me any less nervous though…).
I’m partially frustrated by the fact that the percentage of people who voted for Nader would have swung the election to Kerry…
I’m partially frustrated by the realization that I’m almost as scared of Kerry as I am of Bush.
I’m partially frustrated by the fact that the whole damn system is broken.
I’m partially frustrated by the plans my father has to start a new party in the hopes of taking back America from the people who are tearing the country apart, primarily because there are lots of parties out there right now that are trying to do the same thing that desperately need the support of people just like us.
I’m partially frustrated by the parties that are out there right now who think that Bush’s scariest policies don’t go far enough, and that there are people who support these parties.
I’m partially frustrated by the fact that it’s starting to look like Christians are what’s wrong with this country…and that makes me immeasurably sad. I could wash my hands and say “but they aren’t REAL Christians”…but they are. They’ve missed the message more fully than I could ever begin to explain – and don’t want to listen…but they’re the Christian element that’s been the most prevalent for the last 1500 years.
I’m partially frustrated by the fact that people seem to have forgotten that, while it was in fact Christians who fled to this country to escape oppression, the important part of that statement is “escape oppression” and not “Christians”.
I’m partially frustrated by the fact that I’m beginning to feel like the part of that statement that’s going to have the most bearing on my life in the future is going to be “fled”.
I’m partially frustrated by the sensation that the simple fact that I disagree with the government is placing my home, my wife, and my life in jeopardy. The fact that I’m more actively frightened by my own government than by “terrorists” tells me a lot about this government. It tells me a lot about myself. And it tells me that if I didn’t have the ties I have, it would be time for me to leave. But I do have ties. And I have a responsibility to do something. And that brings me to the last point.
I’m extremely frustrated by the sensation that I cannot do anything to make this better, that my vote did not and never will count, that nothing I say, here or elsewhere will ever make anyone realize anything they didn’t already want to see, that through all of this the rest of the world sees us as an aggressive ogre, and is beginning to think it’s time to retaliate and that my life may be in danger as a direct result of our government’s policies. I’m on the verge of simply giving up…letting the part of me that wants the world to be a better place just die and accept what comes. I’ve just about lost my passion for the world. I would have railed and screamed about Kerry and his policies, I would have yelled and cried foul. But I have four more years of a government that doesn’t care one whit for me or my family – because we won’t vote for them. We refuse to increase their power. And so we can go to hell. And that’s about what I lfeel like doing.