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What about an escort service?

23 November, 2004 (09:21) | hitch | By: hitch

Once upon a time there was a tiny kingdom that sat on a tiny island. This tiny kingom was ruled by a tiny king named Rupert, and he had been king for many years. Rupert was a good king. He loved his people and wanted to do what was best for them, as any good king would. He decided that what his people needed most was protection from the people in other kingdoms. Rupert was afraid they would want to take things from the people of his tiny kingdom!

To protect his people, Rupert called on a travelling salesman of security systems and asked him what should be done. The salesman told the good king of all his different security systems. He told of the mystical iron statues who would slay any intruder who set forth across the tiny bridge that connected the island to the land. He told of the great and magical crystal bubble that could be placed upon the island, keeping all invaders at bay. He told of the mysterious flowers that could be planted at the end of the bridge to lull intruders to sleep. He told the king of all these things and more, and when he was done the king decreed that the salesman should straightaway install for him the magical Yellow Fingers of Doom, which would guard the bridge and drag any intruders down into the watery depths.

On the day of the Great Fingering, the king called his subjects together and told them of the marvelous plan which would protect the kingdom forever. He brought the people together before the bridge and showed them one of his trusted knights standing at the far end of the bridge with a man from another kindom, who had been condemned under the laws of Rupert’s domain. Pressing forward, the knight forced the man onto the bridge, whereupon he was snatched from the bridge by the horrific fingers and dragged to his doom below. Cheering wildly, the royal subjects watched the loyal knight attempt to cross the bridge and return to the island. A sudden hush fell over the crowd as the knight, too, was plucked from the timbers and hauled screaming in terror below the icy waters.

King Rupert stood aghast, horrified beyond belief. Calling forth another of his brave knights, he instructed him to sally forth over the bridge and fetch the salesman before he had gone too far. It was Rupert’s hope that the fingers could be fixed, or at least removed to ensure his people’s safety. Alas, it was not to be – when the second knight attempted to cross the bridge he too was ensnared in the Yellow Fingers and crushed beneath the sea. Children in the audience began to cry – a murmur ran through the crowd. The king was losing control! Something must be done!

Rupert, though many things, was no fool – he sent the people back to their homes, assuring them that all would be fine and that all would be safe. There was nothing, in short, to worry about. In fact, despite the small glitch (which would shortly be worked out), everything was going exactly as he had said, hadn’t it? While this did not quiet all fears it did at least quell the people enough to maintain order. Furious, Rupert called forth two of his remaining knights and directed them to take the bridge with any force necessary.

The only force, however, was exerted by the Fingers. One knight was squished by a thumb, the other had his head lopped clean off with a thrust of his own sword between another thumb and forefinger. The king despaired, but the knights were now resolute – as a man, the stormed the bridge in one last, but ultimately futile attempt to take back their kingdom.

When the slaughter had abated, King Rupert broke down into sobs of grief. What had he done? How could he ever put it right? There was nothing for it, but to abdicate his throne. Just then, a young page approached the throne.

King Rupert, said the young man, I would like to brave the bridge and bring back the salesman to put things right. You, said King Rupert, you would like to take the bridge where my entire force of knights could not? I cannot send you out onto that bridge of death! The page was resolute, however, and insisted that he be allowed to make the attempt. Feeling that there was little else to be done, Rupert acquiesced and sent the page out to what would surely be slaughter.

Looking on with saddened eyes, Rupert was shocked to see the page dodge and dance between the Fingers! He skipped and strolled, always just out of reach! When at last he reached the other side he sprinted off to find the salesman.

A few days later, the boy returned with the salesman, who repaired the fingers and saved the kingdom from certain doom. Marvelous celebrations were held, and the boy was knighted on the spot.

The moral of our story is this – always let your pages do the walking through the Yellow Fingers.

Comments

Comment from Mike
Time 11/23/2004 at 2:12 pm

I have heard of these “Great Fingerings” you speak of…they are most interesting.

Comment from Dad
Time 11/23/2004 at 3:47 pm

Randy & Spiff would be proud, but they would have made it shorter, painful for those who know exactly what’s coming

Comment from Sabrina
Time 11/24/2004 at 10:08 pm

mmmmm…fingered knights…..they’re used to it

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